Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Soaking it in…

Update: If you read this earlier I have added a sweet poem at the bottom that was sent to me. Thank you Ginger for reaching out to a mother in need! This poem describes everything I am feeling and it of course it made me cry!

I am trying to soak in the last alone days I will have with Andrew before my time is split. I have such mixed feelings about the whole thing. Of course we are beyond anxious and excited to have Abigail join our family. However, I know my time will be limited with this sweet boy.
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He is at such a fun age!
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Super silly and makes me crack up all the time!
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He will be such a good big brother! Abigail will be lucky to have him to look up to.
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Yes this pregnant woman is crying!

Loving Two

As I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.

There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.

I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

1 comment:

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